


Torn Apart

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AUWarnings: swearing, mentions of sex,





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr: @nikky-the-writter

People say that: ˝ If you love two people at the same time, choose the second because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second. ˝ But is that really true, you heard that saying a few times, but you never thought about it. You always thought that if you start falling for someone while you are already in love that it’s cheating. Things changed in your heart and you thought about it more than you should have. It wasn’t something simple, it was complicated as it always is. You had the man you loved, but the other man crawled in your heart as well. 

You never did anything wrong, it wasn’t you who were cheating it was only your heart that let somebody else inside. The love for the other man inside you grow and you couldn’t stop feeling torn apart so, it really didn’t surprise you when he did it. You were both drifting away from the night when you had a bad fight. It was the first time that he walked out on you. That night everything started to change. Your love for him never faded, but he did from you. Just two weeks after, you finally walked away from him, but not mentally as he did, but physically packing your bags, leaving him without a word, only a single note. It didn’t need anything more because he knew the reason. He wasn’t the person that would spend hours on texting you or trying to call you, no. He locked himself in the apartment that you both shared and he broke down in the corner of your room, realizing what he have done. He cheated the love of his life because he saw her falling for his best friend.

* * *

It’s been two years. It wasn’t a long time, but you decided to go back home. You were a writer, you published your book over a year ago and you couldn’t find any inspiration for another. Your brother was constantly calling you to come back home. So, you planned your return with your sister Natasha trying to surprise your brother, a little dork that couldn’t shut up near you. Natasha was an artist, she owned a gallery in LA, but she decided to bring you both home. She was away longer than you and she missed everyone. During your time away you lived with her and you tried to stay away from everyone. You haven’t heard from any of your friends from home only with your family, you tried to forget your past.

˝Y/N/N, come on! ˝ Natasha was waiting for you while you were throwing the last of your stuff in the car.

˝We would already be on the road if you just helped me. ˝ You sat in the passengers seat.

˝I would help you, but you didn’t want to listen to me. ˝

˝Oh… just shut up. ˝You closed your eyes, relaxing in your seat listening to music and thinking about the people you left at home. Who would ever think that it will hurt the same way as it did when you left.

* * *

_˝Just admit it for fuck’s sake. You want him! Why did you even bother staying with me? ˝_

_You were tired of him yelling at you. You were tired of the life you had. It was a constant battle with so many hidden traps. You couldn’t do it any longer. You knew that your time to leave is coming, he knew it too, but he kept yelling. He could’ve tried to fix it, but he didn’t know why. You were so long together that he thought that you got sick of him that maybe you needed somebody knew, but he just couldn’t realize how his best friend could be something new._

_˝Did you even love me? I gave you everything and you look at him the way you used to look at me. I love you. I love you so fucking much! ˝ He was on the verge of crying. ˝I can’t even look at you, Y/N/N. ˝He stormed outside shutting the door behind him._

* * *

˝Have you talked with Steve? ˝ Natasha put her hand over your squeezing it lightly.

˝Nope. ˝ You stared outside the window, smiling at the trees and the small houses that you haven’t seen for two years. You could remember times when you and Steve would walk through the forest for hours, but it will never happen again.

˝And Bucky? ˝

˝ Nope. ˝ You looked at her suspiciously. She hasn’t said their names for so long that it felt strange hearing them.

˝I never asked you, but does dad know about what happened when you came to LA. ˝

Breath hitched in your throat and you could feel your heart stopping for a second as you remembered.

˝Yeah. ˝You silently said, trying to keep your tears from falling.

˝Did you.. ˝

˝Why all these questions Nat? ˝

˝I’m just worried. ˝ Nat looked at you sympathetically.

You just shrugged with your shoulders, staring out the window

The drive wasn’t really long, but by the time you two stopped in front of your house you were tired. Nat walked out the car and you sat there for a while. The front door open and you could see your brother Peter standing there. He looked bigger than before and he ran towards Nat hugging her. He didn’t notice you at first, but when you opened the door his eyes were wide open. He couldn’t believe you were finally there. You and he were really close and it hurt him when you left. It was a sudden decision. He ran towards you liftiing you of the ground.

˝Don’t you dare leave again. ˝ Peter’s voice was muffled with your hair, but you heard him, nodding with your head. You stayed like that for some time until Nat moved you off each other.

˝Dad is going to be so happy when he sees you. ˝ Peter holds you close to him while he took yours and Nat’s bags from the car. As you stepped inside, he put the bags down and he guided you to the kitchen. You could hear voices and you were about to come in when Peter stopped you.

˝He is here. ˝ Peter said and you froze in your spot. You weren’t ready to face him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex,

˝He is here. ˝ Peter said and you froze in your spot. You weren’t ready to face him.

˝Steve? ˝ You heard Nat’s voice.

˝No, Bucky. ˝ Peter said

˝What? Why.. ˝

˝He came with Pepper˝ Peter said, walking in the kitchen, not giving you time to prepare yourself for what was coming. As you were ready to walk in Nat grabbed your hand.

˝You didn’t tell dad anything, did you? ˝

You could already feel your tears running down your cheeks. ˝I couldn’t. ˝

˝ Peter and mom? ˝ Nat asked, letting your arm.

˝Just Pete. ˝ You said, wiping your tears. You made so many mistakes before you left and now you have a week to clean the mess you made.

Slowly you walked in the living room and the first person that caught your eye was your father Bruce.

˝My girls are home! ˝ He practically ran to you and Nat hugging you tightly. When he moved from you,you saw the piercing blue eyes watching you. At first you were hesitant to come near him, but when you took a step towards, he lowered his head and left the room. There were so many things that you had to explain to him and you had to apologize for everything you did. You ran quickly after him passing bye Pepper, your aunt and the person that practically raised Bucky.

˝Bucky! ˝ He suddenly stopped walking, turning around to face you.

˝What? What do you want Y/N/N? ˝ His eyes were glassy and his fists were clenched.

˝I’m sorry. What I did to you, I was just… ˝

˝Sad, angry? It still doesn’t change anything. I loved you so much and then you did that. What is wrong with you? ˝ Bucky raised his voice coming closer to you. The vein on his neck was pulsating and you lowered your head and closed your eyes for a moment.

˝You lost me then. ˝ His voice was now soft and he lifts your chin with his finger. ˝I was such a fool to fall for you.˝ He turned his back to you, leaving you alone in the long hallway. You felt like you were suffocating. You pressed your back on the wall, lowering yourself to the ground. You couldn’t calm yourself, tears were falling down your cheeks. You felt someones arm on your shoulder and you saw Peter there. He sat next to you, holding you close.

˝I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. ˝Peter said not letting you go.

˝I deserve it. I deserve everything that he thinks about me. He hates me and I’m glad ‘cause he needs that. He needs that hate towards me. That’s keeping him occupied from his secret. ˝

˝They are still friends, you know that? ˝ Peter helped you get up. He walked with you to your old room.

˝I always knew. ˝You said sadly remembering what they both did to you. ˝Is Steve coming here? ˝

˝Tomorrow. Sharon is also coming. ˝ It wasn’t a surprise to you that Sharon was coming she was Pepper’s daughter. You weren’t related, Peperr married your uncle Tony. They weren’t your blood, but they were family, at least Sharon used to be.

˝You want to sneak out? ˝Peter asked with a smile.

˝Text Nat, we’re going to Loki's˝ You said, opening your bedroom window. This wasn’t your first time to sneak out. You would always leave with Peter and Nat. You weren’t doing anything bad, you would just go to Coney Island almost every night. Peter was a kid back then and he always wanted to go in the middle of the night, so you and Nat would always take him.

* * *

_˝Are you coming this weekend or…? ˝You asked your sister over the phone. She took a deep breath and you already knew the answer. ˝Again Nat? ˝_

_˝I’m sorry, but I have a new exhibit and I have to be here. ˝ You sat down on the couch and you quickly got up realizing that you sat on something. You found Steve’s phone and you put it on the table._

_˝I was just hoping to see you. The life is boring without you and honestly, Peter is suffocating me. He can be so annoying. ˝You said through a smile and you heard Nat laughed._

_˝He is the best…. Sorry Y/N/N I have another call˝_

_˝Shame on you. Don’t I mean anything to you? ˝_

_˝Nothing. Love you. ˝ Nat giggled._

_˝I love you, stay safe. ˝ You put your phone down and you lay on the couch. After ten minutes you were getting really annoyed Steve’s phone was vibrating all the time. It made you worry. Maybe something happened? You took his phone and when you saw the name on his phone you felt your heart clenching in your chest. You quickly unlocked it as you started reading the texts, there were also pictures and you couldn’t take it anymore. You throw his phone and it landed in your glass cabinet shattering the glass on the impact. You needed someone to talk to, but you couldn’t say anything like this to Nat over the phone and if you tell your parents and Peter they would kill Steve. So, you called someone that you knew that you can count on._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, smut

Memories flashed through your mind in the moment you walked in. Peter had to drag you towards the bar where you two sat waiting for Nat.

˝Y/N Banner, is that you? ˝ You turned around to see your partner in crime for all those years when you were kids.

˝Clint fucking Barton. ˝ You ran towards him and he lifts you from the ground. When he finally put you down, he couldn’t suppress a smile on his face, but after the surprise vanished he remembered what you did.

˝Where were you hiding? Maybe in a cave? ˝ There was anger in his voice. When you left, you didn’t even said goodbye to him, nothing.

˝Chill out man. ˝You heard your brother and Clint stepped back.

˝Just one call, you couldn’t even fucking text? ˝

˝I’m sorry. ˝You moved forward, but he shook his head.

˝I had to call Nat to ask about you. Her, Y/N/N. You know what happened to us and I called her. I think that it would be easier for you to call. ˝

˝Clint, just calm down. She came back, just try to go past that. ˝Peter said standing next to you.

˝I wished just a call, Y/N/N, do you know that’s not funny to prank people alone? ˝He quickly pulled you into another hug.

˝Well, you’ll never have to do that again alone, I promise. ˝ Your voice was muffled by his chest and he smiled.

˝I’ll take you on that. Now, what are you guys drinking? ˝ Clint asked, walking behind the bar.

˝Whiskey. ˝

˝Beer. ˝ Clint glanced your way when he heard Peter.

˝Show me your ID. ˝ Clint ordered your brother while you were laughing.

˝I.. I Don’t have it here. ˝ Peter looked so lost.

˝He is allowed to drink. I thought you were good with numbers. ˝Natasha said, sitting next to you.

˝I didn’t know you were in town. ˝Clint said, lowering his head and placing yours and Peters’ drinks in front of you.

˝Do you want anything? ˝

Nat smiled shyly and nodded her head. ˝A glass of wine. ˝ Only Clint could have that effect on her. They were both great people, but they had different dreams, a different path that they choose. Natasha always dreamed about going to LA, to create art. While Clint wanted to be a cop. And they both succeeded, Nat had a life in LA and Clint had his job at SWAT that he always wanted. But neither of them was happy. They couldn’t be without each other. You could see it. Everyone could see it even them, but they didn’t want to admit it.

˝Where’s Loki? ˝ You played with your glass. 

˝He will be here in twenty minutes, he asked me to look after the bar while he’s taking care of something. ˝

˝Always so mysterious. ˝ You joked.

˝Are you staying here? ˝ Clint asked with hope in his eyes.

˝If everything goes right during this week, then there’s a chance that I’ll. ˝

˝You, Nat? ˝

˝Nop, just visiting. ˝ Clint looked away and he opened a bottle of beer for himself.

˝Are you doing okay? ˝Natasha still loved him, over the years she tried to move on, but she couldn’t.

˝Yeah… ˝ His sight. ˝Have you seen guys? ˝

˝Just Bucky. ˝ You moved in your seat accidentally kicking Peter with your elbow. ˝Shit, sorry Spidey. ˝

Clint laughed at Peter’s nickname. ˝You are still torturing him with that. ˝

˝Yeah, it doesn’t happen every day that your brother runs in your room half naked only in his boxers at 2 am, just because he saw a spider coming towards his bed. ˝

˝It was a big spider. ˝ He almost yelled.

˝That big that you screamed like a girl and spent the night in my bed? ˝

˝Yeah. ˝ You just shrugged your shoulders at his answer.

˝Would you like to go with me to the precinct, guys would love to see you two? ˝ Clint leaned against the bar.

˝I… What about Steve? ˝ You wanted to see guys you really missed them. Especially Thor’s bad cooking, Sam’s flirting and drinking with Rhodey and T'Challa they would always become weird and paranoid after too many drinks.

˝I don’t think that he will be there when we came. His shift started a few hours ago. ˝

˝Then I’m in. You two idiots? ˝

Peter nodded his head, but Nat didn’t do anything else than staring at Clint.

˝I guess we’ll all go. ˝You said drinking what was left of your Whiskey with a smile.

* * *

_You were standing in front of the Loki’s debating in your head what to do. It didn’t feel right to talk with Bucky about what Steve did. They were good friends and there was already tension between them because of you. There was nothing ever spoken or done about the feelings you had, but there were moments when Steve would catch you or Bucky staring at one another for too long.  
_

_You couldn’t force yourself to step in you were ready to leave when you felt somebody’s arm on your back. Turning around you were met with blue crystal eyes. He was worried, you could see it on his face._

_˝Let’s go inside. ˝You didn’t object and you followed him. He brought you a glass of whiskey and beer for himself. You sat in silence for a while until he decided to speak._

_˝Y/N, he probably made just a mistake. ˝_

_˝A mistake! Buck, there were photos, disgusting photos, those that should never leave your bedroom and he had them on his fucking phone. That whore was… ˝ Your voice was higher than usual and you tried to calm yourself down._

_˝She doesn’t mean anything to him. He loves you. ˝ Bucky’s arms were on the table close to yours, but neither of you moved them closer._

_˝He fucked her. ˝_

_˝He loves you, he doesn’t love Sharon. ˝ You tighten your fists at the mention of her name. Just a second later you realized something. Quickly you moved your hand over Bucky’s gently tracing patterns on his skin._

_˝Doll, don’t… ˝_

_˝What? He cheated, we can finally let our self to take what we want, who we want. ˝ You watched him, he was conflicted._

_˝You just want to do it to get to him, not because of me. ˝_

_˝Bucky, trust me it is because of you. ˝ You squeezed his hand and stood up. He followed you out and you were walking in silence towards his apartment. You felt guilty for what you were going to do, but not because of Steve, but Bucky._

_You sat on his couch in silence and he sat beside you. You both stared at the wall on the other side until you moved your fingers towards his hand. He looked up, meeting your eyes. You moved your body to sit on his lap. He placed his fingers on your jaw lifting your chin,  gently placing his lips on yours in a sweet kiss that quickly became more passionate. As you pulled away his eyes were full of lust, his pupils were dilated and you couldn’t believe that you were actually touching him. His hands pulled you closer, pressing your chest against him._

_˝Are you sure you want this? ˝_

_˝I need this. ˝ You said.  
_

_He lifts you and carried you to his bedroom. Gently placing you on your feet as his fingers tug the hem of your shirt. He was still conflicted, but less than before. Wanting to feel him you moved your hands to his shirt, pulling it over his head. His body relaxed after you placed your palm on his bare chest. You could feel his heart beats, they were beating rapidly and you smiled, knowing that you were the reason. Lowering your hand down his chest you traced the patterns of his scars all the way to his belt. You moved your fingers in his belt loops pulling him closer to your body. He placed kisses all over your neck, sucking at your sensitive spot. You moaned next to his ear and he pulled your shirt off. You gripped his hair between your fingers as he bit the skin on your collarbone. He moved you to his bed until you felt it against your legs, falling on it with him on top of you, you giggled._

_˝God, you’re heavy. ˝_

_˝You are so beautiful. ˝ He said between the kisses, making his way to the valley of your breasts._

_˝And so are you. ˝ He chuckled at your comment and he palmed your breast over the bra. Moving his hand to the strap pulling it over your shoulder and then kissing your skin. He removed the other and slowly unclasped your bra taking his time to remember every part of you. Removing your bra he placed soft kisses over your breasts and to your belly button._

_˝That tickles˝ You giggled and he moved to your face to kiss you. You could feel that he was already hard and you smiled just at the thought of you and him so close to each other. He was different from Steve, more gentle. He took his time with exploring your body and that drove you crazy, but you couldn’t concentrate on his kisses and his touch. It was wrong, what you were doing, but your body enjoyed it, shaking from the pleasure, but in the moment when it was over you knew that you have to leave. He went to the bathroom to bring the washcloth when you started to dress._

_˝Y/N/N, where are you going? ˝Bucky was confused and hurt._

_You laughed dryly, although you were feeling guilty. ˝Where am I going? I’m just wondering how long will you be able to keep this from Steve ‘cause obviously you are good at keeping secrets!˝_

_You were just a step away from his door when you felt his hand on yours._

_˝What are you talking about? ˝_

_˝Don’t act stupid, Steve and Sharon, I never told you with whom he was cheating. So, congratulations James, you just lost a friend and maybe Steve will abandon you too or maybe he won’t it depends on your guilt. And don’t you ever touch me again! ˝You moved your hand away from him opening his front door._

_˝So this was just a payback, you don’t love me? ˝ You hurt him, he was fighting with himself not to cry in front of you._

_˝Yes. ˝  You said coldly walking down the stairs._

_˝We were friends! ˝You turned around. He was standing next to his door in the hallway only in his black boxers. His face was red and his eyes were getting watery._

_˝True friends don’t lie to each other. You lied, so I guess we were never friends. Our actions define us and what you did and what I’ve just done, people who love each other they don’t do that. Goodbye Bucky. ˝ In the moment you turn your back to him, he couldn’t control himself anymore. He lowered his body on the floor, quietly crying in the hallway, hearing your heels moving away further by each step until you were completely gone._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex,

As you stepped into the building with Nat, Peter, and Clint the first person you saw was Sam.  
He had his back turned to you as he was leaning on the table where some girl sat.   
˝Sam! ˝ You pretend that you were mad walking quickly to him.  
˝Y/N? What are y.. ˝ Before he could finish you slap him. He was confused for a second, but he joined you in your little game.  
˝Baby, I’m so sorry. ˝ He took your hands in his giving you his best puppy eyes.  
˝Alright, but I don’t want you to go back to this girl, whenever I’m not in the mood to play with you.˝  
˝You guys are sick. ˝Peter walked past you. Sam laughed and pulled you in a hug.

˝Where were you kiddo? ˝ He asked finally pulling away.  
˝Just away. Needed some time to think. ˝ He took you by the hand, leading you to break room.   
˝We should all use time for that, especially T'Challa. ˝ He said louder while you were all walking in. T'Challa looked up from his book and he stood up, heading yours and Nats’ way. He pulled you both in a hug only letting you go when Rhodey and Thor came in.  
You all sat at the table laughing and sharing stories from this past two years.  
˝Who holds the record? ˝ Your voice broke the laugh and everybody’s eyes were on you.  
˝Y/N/N, you are stepping into dangerous waters. ˝ Rhodey warned you.  
˝So, that’s mean that nobody changed it since I left. ˝ You smirked at them.  
˝What record? ˝Peter asked, pulling his chair closer to you.  
˝Peter, think about it, where are you now? ˝ You started, but Nat taps your shoulder to stop talking.  
˝What? ˝You faced her. You had a silent argument while all of them watched as your face expression change every few seconds. Finally, they heard Nats’ voice.  
˝Fine, then tell him. You know that he is just like you, he will try to do it. ˝ She leaned in her chair gesturing you to continue.  
˝I think, a year before I left; Sam, Rhodey, T'Challa and I got drunk and we broke into the official shooting range where they usually practice. We were so drunk that we decided to move the sniper target further away. We moved it to… ˝ You tried to remember and then Sam joined in.  
˝1500 meters further on the hill. The normal distance is usually up to 1000 meters. ˝  
˝We put a card, an ace on the target. We fall a few times down the hill….. and we decided that we are going to shoot at it the following day and who takes the target down becomes the king. ˝ Peter was engrossed in the story that he couldn’t sit calmly in his seat.  
˝Who shot it? ˝  
˝You are really asking that question. I’m offended right now. ˝ You crossed your arms and looked at your brother shaking your head.  
˝Y/N/N, shot it like a pro. I still can’t believe it. ˝ Thor said and Peter smiled widely and after a few seconds he furrowed his brows.  
˝But…. you don’t know how to shoot. ˝ He said it like a statement.  
˝Really, do you see these guys. Rhodey taught me how to shoot, but I mostly practiced with these idiots and with Bucky or Steve. ˝   
˝Why didn’t you teach me? ˝Peter asked slightly offended because you kept this away from him. ˝Wait a second. Nat, do you know how to shoot? ˝ Nat just nodded and Peter almost jumped from his seat. ˝Why wouldn’t you teach me? ˝  
˝Pete, you are too clumsy. We wanted, but… ˝ Nat said and you helped her pointing some things out.  
˝You ran into the fridge when we played hide and seek. You broke your legs falling down the stairs the worst one; when you almost cut your whole finger helping me make dinner. ˝  
˝Okay, it wasn’t that bad. No offense, but Sam works with these guys. ˝  
˝No offense? Kid, that’s offensive. ˝ Sam gave him a weird look and laughed. ˝Look kiddo there’s a difference, you are clumsy and I’m just an idiot. ˝ You laughed at his remark and you almost fall from your chair, remembering the last time you were witnessing him acting like an idiot, but then you heard someone clearing their throat. All eyes were directed towards Steve and Bucky that were dressed in all black, ready for work.  
˝Why are you here? ˝ Steve asked with no emotions. You wondered was that contempt written all over his face or maybe just hate, but for what?  
˝Why am I here? I didn’t know that you possess these people or this building. ˝  
He scoffed at you and just a second after you were in front of his face. ˝These people are my friends, but you obviously don’t know what that means. ˝   
˝I don’t know, you left and now you are acting like some.. ˝  
˝Don’t say it Rogers. ˝ Rhodey stood next to you.  
˝I’m the bad guy? ˝He laughed, looking at you. ˝You left me! You left only that stupd note ˝ Steve was just inches away screaming in your face and you didn’t move, but Rhodey put his hand on Steve’s chest moving him away.  
˝Don’t act like you are hurt, just a few days later you were already with Sharon. When you love someone you don’t run away into somebody else’s arms, just look at your friend. ˝ Rhodey pulled his arm away moving it around your shoulder.  
˝What is he talking about Bucky? ˝Bucky searched your eyes, but you kept your gaze on the ground. He never told his friend that he was in love with you. Steve trusted him, he never thought that you or Bucky would ever act on your feelings that you both denied. He was also jealous of your friendship because when you would go out together, you and Bucky looked more like a couple than him and you. He thought that you and Bucky would never be in a relationship that it was just a fling. He thought a lot about it over years and he decided that you maybe needed a change. He was sure that you and Bucky would never work, Bucky was a player, but now when he sees the guilt in his friend’s eyes, he actually realized that during these few years he hadn’t seen his friend with a girl.  
˝I asked you a damn question! ˝ Steve was angry and during this fight Nat asked everyone to leave, but Peter insisted on staying.  
˝We slept together. ˝ Hearing Bucky’s confession Steve furiously approached him, hitting him in the face. Bucky didn’t try to stop him.   
˝You are my friend and you slept with her?! ˝Steve clenched his fist ready to punch him again when you put your hand on his shoulder.  
˝Guys, can you leave us alone? ˝ Everyone headed out. ˝Buck, you should stay. ˝  
Bucky stayed, by the door looking at you and Steve. You sat down and asked them to join you. Steve sat in front of you and Bucky a few seats away from you. His cheek was already red and you felt bad for him because it was your fault.  
˝Let’s be honest, at least for once. Steve you cheated, so why do you care who I fucked? ˝ Bucky uncomfortably moved in his chair. It hurt him to hear you say that you fucked him, like it didn’t mean anything, to him it meant something.  
˝That’s also cheating.˝ Steve felt guilty, but he didn’t want to admit, neither to you or to himself that he had done something wrong.  
˝It happened only once. The day when she found out you were cheating. ˝  
Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and then he turned to Bucky. ˝You used her?! ˝  
˝I used him. He knew about you and Sharon so I did it to get my revenge on you and him. You both lied to me. I’m sorry for what I’ve done, but I’m not only one to blame. ˝ You held your hands in your lap constantly looking from Bucky to Steve.  
˝Six months. She bumped into me one day and asked me to grab some coffee with her. It just happened. ˝ Steve shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know what to say.  
˝Are you still with her? ˝ You asked, breaking the silence.   
˝ No. I’m sorry about everything. When I look back, I can actually see that both of us knew that we are going to fall apart, but neither wanted to say it out loud. I’m really glad to see you. ˝ Bucky laughed at Steve’s answer.  
˝Well, I should probably leave the happy couple. ˝His voice was filled with contempt.  
˝Are you really going to act like a child? ˝   
˝Just sit back down. ˝Steve ordered him and Bucky started breathing heavily.  
˝To sit down, to watch you both back together. I can’t do that anymore! Just leave me alone! Y/N… ˝ He looked at you with tears in his eyes. ˝I don’t want to see you ever again. ˝  
˝If that’s how you feel, then I’ll leave. ˝ As you placed your hand on the doorknob you glanced over your shoulder.   
˝Sometimes I wish that I’ve never met you. ˝ You left wiping the tears from your eyes passing by guys and your siblings. You didn’t stop to say anything, you just ran out of the building. You lied. They were your best friends once, you still loved them, differently, but in the same amount.  
Bucky’s word cut deep into your heart, they made you regret coming back. You just wanted to do something good, to have your friends and family back because you needed them at the moment. You were falling apart, there were things that nobody knew about you. You needed somebody to really be there for you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex,

The cold air was the only thing that kept you sane. You were crying, walking through the city. Your mind was occupied with the thoughts of Bucky. You told yourself that at least you tried, but you knew that if you wanted, you would be talkingto him now. You gave up easily, not wanting to bring him in the mess that your life became. You thought that leaving was the best choice that it will be better. There were a few bright things in your life, but there was a lot of darkness. You felt light headed and you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t even stand straight because of the pain in your chest. You put your hand on the wall nearby.

˝Miss, are you alright? ˝You heard somebody’s voice, but you couldn’t answer. Your heart was clenching in your chest and the only thing you could see was darkness.

* * *

The constant noise woke you up. Opening your eyes you wanted the ground to swallow you. You were lying in the hospital, only place that you despised the most.

˝Miss. Banner, How are you feeling?˝ The gray-haired man asked walking in.

˝Like you don’t know. Did you call my doctor.? ˝ You asked, sitting up, pulling the IV out.

˝You should stay here, you’ve been sedated for past 20 hours. ˝

˝Did you called him? ˝ Man came closer to you and he offered you the bottle of pills that your doctor usually prescribes you.

˝Yes, he explained me everything. ˝

˝Than you know that you can’t help. I’ll just leave… ˝

˝What about doctor Banner? ˝ You sat down hearing that he mentioned your father. You were lucky that he wasn’t on the call this week.

˝You can’t discuss anything with him. He is my father. ˝

˝I called your sister. Dr. Pim told me to do that. ˝

˝Thank you, that’s alright. Where’s my stuff? ˝ Doctor showed you your clothes on the chair nearby.

˝Thanks. ˝ He left not saying anything.

After you got dressed you walk to your sister that was waiting for you.

˝Did you call twins?˝ Natasha crossed her arms not saying anything. ˝Hank probably called them, I don’t want them to worry.˝

˝Of course I called them, but what are you not telling me?˝

˝I don’t want to talk about it.˝ You walked pass her to her car.

* * *

_It was freezing outside. You couldn’t even feel your fingers. As you came closer to your building you saw two kids that you’ve never seen before. The girl was pale, she looked sick they couldn’t be more than fifteen years old._

_˝Hey, did you lock yourself out? ˝ Your eyes stayed fixed on the girl._

_˝No, we are waiting for… ˝ Boy started explaining but he was interrupted by girls coughing._

_You reached toward her, placing your palm on her forehead._

_˝Do you live close, she is burning? ˝_

_˝No, we can’t go back. ˝ He was worried and he held the girl closer._

_˝You are from foster care? ˝_

_He just nodded. ˝They wanted to separate us.˝_

_˝You look familiar. ˝ You said out loud. ˝Can you carry her? ˝_

_˝Yeah. ˝_

_˝Then follow me. ˝ You unlocked the door guiding them to your apartment. Stepping in you asked him to bring her to the bathroom with you._

_˝We have to lower her temperature. ˝ You moved your shoes and filled the tub with cold water._

_You climbed in first and you told him to move her in with you. He gently placed her on your body and you held her head above the water. It was cold, so she moved her hands around you sobbing._

_˝What’s her name? ˝_

_˝Wanda. I’m Pietro. ˝ He was kneeling next to the tub stroking her hair._

_˝She is your sister. ˝ You stated and he nodded._

_˝We are twins. Is she going to be alright? ˝_

_˝I’ll just keep her here for a few more minutes and then we’ll put her to sleep. ˝ You smiled, holding her closer feeling that her temperature was dropping._

_˝Why are you helping us? ˝ You were about to answer when you heard the front door opening._

_˝It’s just my sister. ˝ You said after you saw that he was ready to take his sister and run._

_˝Nat, in the bathroom! ˝_

_Natasha walked inside and she was shocked, but you could see recognition on her face.˝ Guys, what are you doing here? ˝_

_˝She is sick. ˝_

_˝Why didn’t you call? ˝ Nat walked to the tub, helping you up with Wanda._

_˝They didn’t let us. ˝ Pietro was tired, he barely held his eyes opened._

_You walked with Nat and Wanda in silence helping Wanda to change her clothes. You said Pietro to take a shower and then to go to sleep. You put Wanda in your bed and she immediately closed her eyes, not long after Pietro came out and he stayed next to Wanda._

_You and Nat started cooking in silence, she didn’t say anything about them._

_˝Are they Tony’s kids? ˝ You asked her after you got fed up with the silence._

_˝How did you know? ˝ Nat turned around to look at you._

_˝The girl, she looks like the woman in the picture with Tony that was on the wall at our house. ˝_

_˝You can’t tell him. They don’t want him, they approached me after their mother died, they didn’t ask for money or anything, they just wanted to have someone if they got in the system. ˝ Nat placed the knife on the table._

_˝I want them to stay. They are family. ˝ You stated not caring what she will say._

_˝But they are sixteen, you can’t just.. ˝_

_˝I can adopt them. If they are alright with that. She could’ve died Nat. Just look at them, they are tired and thin, like they haven’t eaten for days. ˝ You keep your voice low not wanting to wake them._

_˝It’s up to them. ˝_

* * *

You were throwing your clothes in the suitcase. Nat came in putting your clothes back out.

˝Y/N, what are you doing? ˝

˝I’m leaving Nat. I can’t stay. This was a mistake! ˝ Nat grabbed things from your hands and stared at you.

˝It was your idea to come back. You just had to come! Now you want to leave? ˝

˝Leave me alone! ˝ Nat put her hands on your shoulders.

˝What the fuck are you doing? You came here to fix things and now you made an even bigger mistake with Bucky and you are going to leave? ˝

˝Just stop it, I can’t. ˝ You sat on the floor in front of her

˝What you can’t? Don’t lie to me. It got a little messy, so,? Just talk with him. ˝

˝No! ˝ You stood going to your bed.

˝Don’t turn your back to me. What the fuck is wrong with you?! ˝ Natasha’s voice was dry from yelling.

˝I have a heart problem! ˝ At the moment you said it you moved your hands over your mouth.

˝What? ˝ Her voice was lower and she just stared not blinking.

˝I.. Ju. ˝

˝How long do you know? ˝ Her voice was like a whisper.

˝Two years.˝

˝Two years? Two fucking years. ˝Nat screamed of frustration and pain. ˝What happened yesterday? ˝

˝I had a minor heart failure, it wasn’t a heart attack, but….. ˝ You couldn’t look her in the eye.

˝How is that possible? You are too fucking young for that shit. ˝

˝I have tachycardia, I usually take pills, but I forgot them and I was also stressed and.. ˝

˝How could you lie to me?! I can’t even look at you. ˝ She couldn’t stay next to you. So she ran away from your room not looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex,

 

Natasha put her arms around her body clenching her jacket closer. She wiped away her tears ruining her mascara, but she couldn’t care less about it. Her legs carried her away from you to the only person for whom she put her walls down. She stood in front of his door. It was a small house just at the end of the street. Her finger lingers over the bell button. When she finally decided to push the button, the door swung open just a few seconds after.

˝Nat? What happened? ˝ Natasha didn’t answer she just close the distance between them. Clint held her tight closing the front door. He guided her to his couch and Natasha sat down, moving her hands from him.

˝I’m sorry, I just didn’t know where to go. I.. ˝ Natasha was shaking and Clint was worried about her. She had her phone in her hand, it was constantly vibrating, but she didn’t even glance at it.

˝What happened? ˝ She was staring at her hands, putting her phone on the table in front of her. Natasha was trying to calm herself down, but she couldn’t.

˝She lied. ˝

˝Y/N? ˝Clint couldn’t understand what you could’ve told her that hit her so hard. ˝About what? ˝

˝Everything. We came ‘cause her lies and she is leaving now and I can’t. I can’t anymore. ˝ Her phone was constantly vibrating irritating Clint, so he reached for it to turn it off. When he saw the picture on her phone he immediately stopped.

˝Is it yours? ˝

Nat looked up seeing him staring at her phone. There was a picture of her and you and a baby on it.

˝No. ˝ Her voice was quiet and she avoided his eyes.

˝Oh, God, is that why she is back? She never told Steve. ˝ Clint was confused and a bit angry. Steve was also his friend and knowing you kept that a secret made him angry.

˝It’s not his. ˝ Natasha saw his eyes growing wider at the realization.

* * *

_˝I think that you should tell them. ˝ Natasha sat next to you placing her hand on your belly. You exhaled loudly and she just rolled her eyes. ˝It’s been six months Y/N/N. ˝_

_˝I know, but no time can heal wounds this deep. They hurt me. ˝_

_˝Sweatheart, you can’t do this on your own. ˝ Natasha was supportive of your decisions. She knew that you were still hurt by their actions, but they had the right to know, both of them. You wanted to tell them, but your doctor told you to avoid stress, you didn’t want to put your baby under risk so you decided to talk after you give birth._

_˝I’m not alone. I have you and the twins. ˝_

_˝What about dad and mom? Peter told me that they still don’t know. ˝_

_˝Nat, I’ll tell them, but not who the father is. I don’t need anyone to judge me. And if I tell Steve and Bucky, their friendship would be over. I messed up everything. What I did with Bucky was a mistake, but I don’t want to make it even worse. They will forget about me and move on, having each other. ˝ You placed your own hand in hers smiling slightly._

_˝What about you? You should be happy. Don’t try to lie to me, I know what you feel for Bucky. He is the right one. ˝_

_˝No, Nat, he is the one that will despise me until the day I die. He will never forgive me and I understand that.˝_

* * *

A Loud knock woke up Clint who fell asleep on his couch with Natasha. He quickly kissed her forehead before heading to the door. Opening the door, he saw Bucky with tears in his eyes.

˝She left. I don’t know why I told her that I don’t want to see her. I need her Clint. ˝ Clint hugged him and Bucky cried on his friend’s shoulder.

˝Just calm down, Buck. ˝ After some time Bucky finally moved away from Clint wiping his tears with the back of his hand. ˝It will be okay. ˝

˝She left. Nothing will ever be okay. Not when you lose the woman you love. ˝

˝Clint is every… ˝ Natasha stopped in her tracks when she saw Bucky’s red eyes looking at her.

˝Tell me that she didn’t, she can’t be alone right now. ˝ Natasha could see it in his eyes, but she couldn’t believe that you actually left. ˝I have to go. ˝

˝What’s going on, why are you so worried? ˝ Bucky took a step towards Natasha and she swallowed the lump in her throat. ˝I left her, she is probably stressing out and she shouldn’t. She should’ve stayed in the hospital. But she is so fucking stubborn and now she left alone. I have to find her. ˝

Just as Natasha was walking past them Bucky grabbed her hand.

˝Why was she in the hospital? ˝

˝That’s not your problem. She left because of you twice, I think you’ve done enough, Bucky. ˝

˝Nat, it’s not his fault. He didn’t know˝ Clint watched as Natasha turned her back to both of them, leaving Bucky confused and worried. He didn’t know what was going on. He loved you deeply and he hoped that you knew that. He knew he messed up, but he was just hurt. He thought that you would understand that, but he was wrong.

* * *

You took your father’s car driving away. You came here so that you could finally introduce Bucky to your baby son. From the moment he was born you were thinking of calling Bucky. You wanted him with you, to share your little baby with him, but you didn’t know how to approach him. It was stupid to run again, but it hurt you so much. His words that he doesn’t want you, hurt you physically. You didn’t know if he would want your son if he didn’t want you. You couldn’t live with the thought that he said no to your baby, it was easier for you if he only said it to you. You at least decided to do some things differently than the first time, you will call Peter asking him to stay with you for a while and knowing him he will say yes. You just reunited with your friends and you decided to stay in touch with them. You decided to do things differently, but the pain was still there. It was getting harder to ignore it, it settled in your heart. And your breathing became more irregular, you were grasping for air. You tried to pull over, but you didn’t make it in time. Your heart clenched in your chest and you closed your eyes


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both men and now after two years she is coming back. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex,

_You overslept, not hearing the alarm clock. It was becoming more frequent so you aren’t surprised when Rhodey came into your room without knocking._

_˝Come on sleepy head. Your dad is going to kill you. It’s the third time this week. ˝ Rhodey moved the curtains from your window letting the sun in. He was your uncle’s friend who always took care of you. ˝Quickly get up, breakfast is on the table, but you’ll eat it in the car. ˝_

_You slowly crawled out of your bed, washing your teeth and just putting your shirt on your pajamas pants and sports bra seeing that is already too late, you grabbed your jacket and throw it in your bag._

_˝Come on Rhodey, we will be late! ˝You ran down the stairs and he followed with a plate of waffles behind you._

_˝Shit, shit, forgot my shoes. ˝ Rhodey grabbed a pair of your shoes locking the house._

_˝We have ten minutes. ˝ Rhodey turned on the siren and you start eating quickly. Your first class was with Mr. Colson, who never tolerated being late._

_Arriving at your high school, you jumped out of the car, looking at the clock in the hallway you saw that you were two minutes late. You ran through the hallways holding your last waffle and turning the corner you bumped into someone falling on the ground._

_˝He’s safe. ˝You yelled happily holding your hand in the air with your waffle._

_You were feeling so tired that you thought that you are going to fall asleep again moving your hand back down to eat, but then you heard a voice._

_˝Are you okay? I mean are you sure you’re in the right place? ˝ You recognized the voice. Slowly opening your eyes, you knew that he was talking about your pants. So what if they had cows on it?_

_˝Jackass. ˝ He offered you his hand to get up, but you just rolled your eyes at him._

_˝Sorry didn’t mean to hurt you. ˝_

_˝Like you could hurt me. If you are here, does it mean that Coulson locked the door? ˝ Bucky nodded and you kept sitting on the ground. Bucky stared at you and you furrowed your brows. ˝What? ˝_

_˝Nothing, I just… you are… ˝ Bucky sat down next to you and you faced him._

_˝What? ˝_

_˝You are you, while everybody else is trying to be somebody else. ˝_

_˝Well we are who we are and quicker you accept that sooner you’ll be happy. ˝ You smiled and he sat next to you._

_˝Are you happy? ˝_

_˝Happy? I don’t know. If I was really happy, I don’t think that I would ever ask myself that. It’s a funny thing, happiness. It can disappear in an instant. ˝_

_˝What do you mean? What’s going on with you? ˝ Bucky cared about you, he was your friend and you usually shared everything with him._

_˝My parents got divorced. I don’t understand it, they are still friends, they laugh together. We still live under the same roof. Shouldn’t love be forever? If not, why should’ve even bother, just to be happy for awhile and then sad? Is it worth it? ˝_

_˝I sometimes wish that it’s not forever, it’s too painful, especially when it’s one sided. ˝ You were staring at the ground, missing the way that Bucky was looking at you._

_˝Don’t be dramatic Buck, I will always love you. ˝_

* * *

> Dear Bucky,
> 
> It’s been four months since I last saw you. I did something terrible that day. I know that we make mistakes every day. Some small and some big that change our life. Sometimes we try to fix them and mostly we fail. I don’t regret being with you, I regret the reason why it finally happened. I needed you to hold me for a final time, I needed you close to me because I knew that I will leave. The words that I said after, you didn’t deserve them, you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. You are a great man, a supportive friend. I understand why you kept the truth away from me. Since we were kids, you were always trying to protect me. But how could I ever learn if I don’t try? If I get hurt, it would be my fault, but now you are feeling guilty and you shouldn’t. I know that I will never send this so I can at least tell you everything. Two days after I came to Nat, I had a panic attack, at least I thought it was and then I fainted, it happened on the streets. I never told Nat about it, but it was actually a heart attack. I should’ve known, my chest hurt and I couldn’t breathe. I’m scared. When I woke up you were the first person that I wanted to call, but then the doctor told me I was pregnant and that I shouldn’t stress. My heart was weak and that the stress would make everything much worse. I didn’t know what to do, I waited for too long. I didn’t want to hurt our baby so you will probably find out about it after I give birth.
> 
> It’s been so long since I saw you, I missed your bright smile and that clear blue eyes. I miss you, but I shouldn’t think about you. What was between us is gone, I destroyed it with my actions. I hope that you are happy, it would be a shame if you stop smiling. It would be a bigger shame if you are still waiting for me. I don’t deserve you and your love. I don’t deserve a man like you. I want you to be happy and to find someone who will give you what you deserve, something that I never could. I was never the one that you needed, but I did love you and I still do, that will never change.
> 
> Sincerely yours,  
> 
> Y/N
> 
>  
> 
> PS. I wish I could’ve given us a happy ending, but some people are never meant to be together.
> 
>  

* * *

Bucky laid the piece of paper on the nightstand next to the picture of you and him when you were younger. His son was sleeping on his chest. Bucky bit his lower lip, trying to control himself. His eyes were red and his tears were falling down his chin on his son’s hair. It’s been three months since the accident and there weren’t a night when he wouldn’t read the letter that Natasha gave him.

˝You weren’t right Y/N/N, we were meant. I wish that I told you when we were younger. ˝ He whispere tracing the picture with his index finger.

For the first time in his life, he felt completely alone. He lost you a few times, but he would rather lose you to somebody else a million more times than knowing that he will never see you again.


End file.
